Cha-cha-cha-cha-changes!

Welcome to “The Pause!” Every Wednesday (if I can find women of a certain age who are willing to share their experience with me and you) there will be a new post.

Why am I doing this? Well, I’m almost 50 and I would REALLY like to feel less alone in this new chapter of my life. I feel like our culture doesn’t want to talk about menopause. It’s like if you admit that your period has stopped, you are admitting to something shameful or unnatural. Like death, menopause is both inevitable (if you’re lucky enough to grow older) and pretty darn natural. I used to think it was hard to get people to talk about death, but you can double that hesitancy when it comes to chatting about “THE CHANGE!”

If you read the first post, I am now on a quest to find media representations of a menopausal woman. Here’s this week’s clip. It’s a movie, “The Hot Flashes." I haven’t watched it, but it’s about “older” women and I think the title kind of gives it away. If you know of any story lines in movies or television shows that address this major transition in a woman’s life without making it a punchline, leave it in the comments!

So, before we begin our chat, let’s define perimenopause and menopause from Merriam Webster’s online dictionary.

Definition of menopause

1: the natural cessation of menstruation that usually occurs between the ages of 45 and 55 also : the period during which such cessation occurs

— called also climacteric

— compare PERIMENOPAUSE

2: cessation of menstruation from other than natural causes

Definition of perimenopause

: the period around the onset of menopause that is often marked by various physical signs (such as hot flashes and menstrual irregularity)

So now that that’s clear, here’s my next willing participant who has chosen to remain anonymous AND THAT’S OKAY! (I feel like Stuart Smalley.) And you can too! She is 60.

Photo by Gratisography

1.      Do you remember your mother or an older woman in your family going through “the change of life?” If so, what was that like?

 I don’t remember my mom going through or discussing perimenopause/menopause with me.  When I moved out, my mother was 43.

2.      Was perimenopause/menopause ever discussed with you by your mother, sister, friend, or a doctor? If so, what did that discussion entail?

Quite frankly, I never really thought of menopause. I only saw what it entailed primarily through the movies or television.  What I interpreted never felt scary, so I walked through life feeling like it wasn't going to be that big of a deal.    
3.      Was menopause something you feared or something you looked forward to? (Yay, no more periods! Boo, I’m drowning in my own sweat!)

I was very happy to have no periods, that is for sure.  I did not experience any postmenopausal symptoms, so once my periods started to wane, I was pretty freaking happy.  But my period didn't stop until I was in my mid 50’s.

4.      What was your experience like? Did you burst into flames? Grow a mustache? Gain a ton of weight? Lose your hair? Lose your mind? Or was it easy peasy, Tampax can kiss my vageasy?

When I started having hot flashes, they were pretty relentless.  My friend used patches that were prescribed through her gynecologist.  She slapped one on me while we were on vacation as I was having a day of continual hot flashes and it worked almost immediately.  So, I made an appointment and asked my doctor for the patch. My doctor told me that by wearing these I would only be prolonging the menopause symptoms.  I figured, why put off today what happens tomorrow?  So, I opted out.  

5. When did you first notice perimenopausal symptoms? Or did you not know what they were?

Because I didn’t really know what I was supposed to experience, I didn’t know. I have never experienced a dry vagina.  Thank goodness for small miracles.  But, I haven’t had sex in two years, but prior to that everything was flowing smoothly.   Who knows what lurks around the corner if I ever get lucky enough to have sex!?  I have discussed this vaginal problem with a friend who has been affected by this and there seems to be many remedies for this problem, so I'm not overly concerned.  

6. Is there anything you wish you had known before you went through perimenopause/menopause?Anything you would have done differently?

Not really. My hair has gotten thinner over the years,  I haven't gained a bunch of weight because I’m always trying to keep a healthy weight.  It’s been a struggle my whole life, so I didn’t notice weight gain during this time.  

Overall, it’s just a a part of life for me, one that I haven't placed too much thought into.  I didn’t fear it as I was pretty uninformed. And I'm just walking my way through it waiting to get on the other side.  I've made some adjustments in my life, mostly in keeping me physically cool.  A fan in my bedroom for nighttime, a portable fan for my purse in case I need it.  But, I can say I am not one to get super sweaty at night and soak sheets.  My internal ​temperature gets hot, but I really don't sweat a lot.  I don't feel super bitchy, I haven't gained a bunch of weight, my vagina isn't dry, I don't have long chin hairs, but then I can’t really see very well so who knows-ha!

All in all...not so bad.   

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. And you can too! Just reach out via my contact page. If you want me to reach out to you and help me do my little part to help save the USPS. I bought a TON of stamps and if you sign up for my newsletter, I will send you some swag (stickers, bookmarks and if you pre-order my book, I’ll send you a cute little button!!) from my debut novel Forever 51. (It’s about an eternally menopausal vampire.)

Chatting about the "change."

Welcome to “The Pause!” Every Wednesday (if I can find women of a certain age who are willing to share their experience with me and you) there will be a new post.

Why am I doing this? Well, I’m almost 50 and I would REALLY like to feel less alone in this new chapter of my life. I feel like our culture doesn’t want to talk about menopause. It’s like if you admit that your period has stopped, you are admitting to something shameful or unnatural. Like death, menopause is both inevitable (if you’re lucky enough to grow older) and pretty darn natural. I used to think it was hard to get people to talk about death, but you can double that hesitancy when it comes to chatting about “THE CHANGE!”

If you read the first post, I am now on a quest to find media representations of a menopausal woman. Here’s this week’s clip. It’s from the television show, Fleabag, which is dark and funny and right up my alley. If you know of any story lines in movies or television shows that address this major transition in a woman’s life without making it a punchline, leave it in the comments!

So, before we begin our chat, let’s define perimenopause and menopause from Merriam Webster’s online dictionary.

Definition of menopause

1: the natural cessation of menstruation that usually occurs between the ages of 45 and 55 also : the period during which such cessation occurs

— called also climacteric

— compare PERIMENOPAUSE

2: cessation of menstruation from other than natural causes

Definition of perimenopause

: the period around the onset of menopause that is often marked by various physical signs (such as hot flashes and menstrual irregularity)

So now that that’s clear, here’s my next willing participant who has chosen to remain anonymous AND THAT’S OKAY! (I feel like Stuart Smalley.) And you can too!

Photo by Gratisography

1.      Do you remember your mother or an older woman in your family going through “the change of life?” If so, what was that like?

I was oblivious to my mother's situation.  However, my mother had some type of problem when I was still in school in which she almost bled to death.  I never knew what the problem was, and I never asked.  I knew she had a hysterectomy and had to have blood transfusions.  She lived to be 83.  I don't know why I never asked her.

2.      Was perimenopause/menopause ever discussed with you by your mother, sister, friend, or a doctor? If so, what did that discussion entail?

Perimenopause was never discussed.  However, I had my children when I was 34 and 36. (I am now 66)  Afterwards, I suffered from depression.  The depression seemed to happen when my second child was around 2 years old.  But my memory is very vague. The depression may have happened postpartum.  We had moved back home to Arkansas, and we were basically very poor as compared to our Dallas existence.  We had a beautiful home in Farmers Branch, and I had a much better job.  We had an ugly house, and I had a shitty job.  My husband's income wasn't great at that time.  I started taking antidepressants.  I had a terrible time finding one that would work for me.  Then I would have side effects, so it seemed like I was always switching.  I finally was taking one that seemed to work.  I took it for several years, but I started having side effects.  One of the side effects was that memory was just vanishing.  Now, I have huge holes.  My husband, however, remembers everything. 

3.      Was menopause something you feared or something you looked forward to? (Yay, no more periods! Boo, I’m drowning in my own sweat!)

I think I was looking forward to NO Periods (and I have enjoyed that aspect)

4.      What was your experience like? Did you burst into flames? Grow a mustache? Gain a ton of weight? Lose your hair? Lose your mind? Or was it easy peasy, Tampax can kiss my vageasy?

After I decided to get off the antidepressant, my doctor (a female) suggested hormones.  So, I am going to say that was around 2000.  However, I really don't remember.  After I did so well on the hormones, my doctor made the comment that maybe we didn't need all those antidepressants -- maybe it was a hormone problem all along.  I certainly don't think there is any way to know.  My situation was such that it was probably depression.  I was not yet in menopause at that time.  So, I took the hormones, and I did well. My doctor may have used the term perimenopause, but I can't remember.

I went back to school and got a Masters in Special Education so that I could teach instead of working a year round job.  I started teaching in 2000.  Everything went well except that I decided around 2009 that I maybe should not be taking the hormones.  So, I tried to stop.  I carefully weaned off of them.  It was a disaster.  I was so volatile!   The hot flashes were horrendous.   I was constantly taking my sweater off and on.  Since I had special education classes, I had some of the same students for 3 years.  They commented on how "mean" I suddenly had become.  I couldn't stand it, so I went back on hormones. I have tried to get off hormones two more times.  The last time was in 2018 when my Medicare wouldn't cover my favorite hormone patch.  Again, the hot flashes and temper outbursts  were just horrific.  I wasn't sleeping due to the hot flashes, and I was miserable.  My sleep doctor recommended that I start back on the hormones.  So, I happily did.  

A problem that I had with the hormones was getting the dosage or method correct.  I have had three endometrial biopsies because of spotting.   They have all been negative with the conclusion that my hormone dosage was not consistent either due to method (cream) or my improper use -- missing pills or not putting my patch on at the right time.  

Other menopausal symptoms -- no sex drive, vaginal dryness, and waking up hot and soaked from sweat every morning at 4:30 am.  I occasionally have a hot flash in the evening.  But, it is usually not too bad.  I take hormone pills that Medicare will cover, because the patch that they cover caused me to spot and thus, I had to have a biopsy.  So, today, I was shocked that I was spotting.  This probably means that I will have another biopsy.  I have been trying to think if I missed a hormone pill, but I don't think so.  Although the hormones are wonderful for relieving symptoms, I am always afraid of breast or endometrial cancer.  

As far as vaginal dryness, I had the Mona Lisa treatment and that has helped so much.  Before, the treatment I felt like my vaginal walls were sticking together.  It was creepy and very uncomfortable.  

I gained weight, and I have tried very hard to lose weight and/or not gain anymore.  It is a struggle.  Yes, my hair is falling out.  Yes, I have facial hair.  I tried to have laser hair removal on my face, but it is so freaking painful that I didn't even use up all my prepaid treatments.  I am considering electrolysis because I shave my face everyday.  I now have grey stubble, too.  I don't want to be in a nursing home and have a beard! 

5. When did you first notice perimenopausal symptoms? Or did you not know what they were?

It is impossible to say when I noticed symptoms.  I must have since my doctor decided to put me on hormones.  Since my memory is so bad, I just can't remember.  

6. Is there anything you wish you had known before you went through menopause or anything you would have done differently?

I don't know that I would have done anything differently except try to get Medicare to pay for Combipatch.  

My husband would probably say that there needs to be a fix for the sex drive problem.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. And you can too! Just reach out via my contact page. If you want me to reach out to you and help me do my little part to help save the USPS. I bought a TON of stamps and if you sign up for my newsletter, I will send you some swag (stickers, bookmarks and now buttons!) from my debut novel Forever 51. (It’s about an eternally menopausal vampire.)

A chat about the "change."

Welcome to “The Pause!” Every Wednesday (if I can find women of a certain age who are willing to share their experience with me and you) there will be a new post.

Why am I doing this? Well, I’m almost 50 and I would REALLY like to feel less alone in this new chapter of my life. I feel like our culture doesn’t want to talk about menopause. It’s like if you admit that your period has stopped, you are admitting to something shameful or unnatural. Like death, menopause is both inevitable (if you’re lucky enough to grow older) and pretty darn natural. I used to think it was hard to get people to talk about death, but you can double that hesitancy when it comes to chatting about “THE CHANGE!”

If you read the first post, I am now on a quest to find media representations of a menopausal woman. This past week, someone recommended this TedTalk about the menopausal brain. It’s not from a movie, but it’s quite informative! If you know of any story lines in movies or television shows that address this major transition in a woman’s life without making it a punchline, leave it in the comments!

So, before we begin our chat, let’s define perimenopause and menopause from Merriam Webster’s online dictionary.

Definition of menopause

1: the natural cessation of menstruation that usually occurs between the ages of 45 and 55 also : the period during which such cessation occurs

— called also climacteric

— compare PERIMENOPAUSE

2: cessation of menstruation from other than natural causes

Definition of perimenopause

: the period around the onset of menopause that is often marked by various physical signs (such as hot flashes and menstrual irregularity)

So now that that’s clear, here’s my fourth willing participant who has chosen to remain anonymous AND THAT’S OKAY! (I feel like Stuart Smalley.) And you can too!

Photo by cottonbro

1.      Do you remember your mother or an older woman in your family going through “the change of life?” If so, what was that like?

At the time, I didn’t know because I was so uneducated about any kind of “girl stuff.” My mom just did not talk about it. But looking back, I can see that my mom had a difficult time with perimenopause, but seemed to fare reasonably well after menopause itself (at age 48). During perimenopause (likely starting in her early 40s) she was extremely moody and often seemed fatigued.

2.      Was perimenopause/menopause ever discussed with you by your mother, sister, friend, or a doctor? If so, what did that discussion entail?

It was never discussed until recently when I first started experiencing perimenopause and told my mother about my symptoms. Again, my mother has just never been very comfortable discussing “girl stuff” and would only provide a bit of information. She shared that she reached menopause at age 48 after two years with very irregular cycles. Her claim is that she “sailed through menopause” and that “goodness no I didn’t need any of that HRT.” I think she did largely sail through menopause, but struggled with perimenopause.

3.      Was menopause something you feared or something you looked forward to? (Yay, no more periods! Boo, I’m drowning in my own sweat!)

Given that I had no one raise the topic with me, I was very ignorant about menopause. I thought it occurred much later than it does (like perhaps late 50s?) and I had no idea that perimenopause was a thing. Given my ignorance, I had very little fear. I have always been a very health-conscious person who takes good care of myself. I figured that my healthy lifestyle would get me through menopause just fine. Of course, I was dead wrong. Despite all of my healthy choices, perimenopause hit me like a ton of bricks and my quality of life severely declined within a matter of months.

4.      What was your experience like? Did you burst into flames? Grow a mustache? Gain a ton of weight? Lose your hair? Lose your mind? Or was it easy peasy, Tampax can kiss my vageasy?

I am still perimenopausal, so I will speak about my experience with perimenopause. It started at age 40, almost on the dot. Heading into perimenopause, I was a healthy and content person with very steady/stable moods. I was reasonably energetic and always very productive in every aspect of my life. Practically overnight, I just felt awful. I started having bouts of sudden, severe and inexplicable depression. I felt extremely fatigued. I couldn’t think straight and had very little motivation to get through my day. I work professionally and my work performance started declining (thankfully at that time I had been with the same organization for many years, so people gave me the benefit of the doubt). I started feeling dizzy – almost like vertigo and developed tinnitus. Part of my vulva also started disappearing and my sexual functioning declined. I talked to both my OBGYN and my GP about my symptoms but was completely dismissed by both of them and they refused to run labs to test my hormone levels. Even the atrophy of my vulva was dismissed after ruling out dermatological conditions (“oh honey, everyone is a little crooked”). At that point, I started educating myself and spent hours and hours reading books and articles about menopause and hormone therapy. I learned enough to know that patients can order their own labs in most US states (if paying out of pocket). So, I ordered my own hormone panel (plus a few other tests like thyroid) and had the blood drawn at a local lab. I had to pay out of pocket, but it was worth every penny because my labs showed my hormones very low across the board plus imbalanced with each other. I then sought out a private hormone specialist and started getting the care I needed. I have since switched insurance plans and doctors and am now feeling much better with a combination of progesterone, testosterone and some localized estrogen to treat the uro-genital issues.

5.      Is there anything you wish you had known before you went through perimenopause/menopause or anything you would have done differently?

I wish I had known much more about what perimenopause and menopause can entail for some women and that symptoms can start in our 40’s (sometimes even younger). I would have educated myself, and would have had a hormone panel done when I was younger so that I would have a comparison when things started shifting. I also would have known that my fibrocystic breasts (which started a few years before my perimenopause symptoms) were caused by a hormone imbalance. At that point, I would have sought out bioidentical progesterone, which likely would have eased the onset of perimenopause in general. Having more knowledge about symptoms and the possible age of onset would have helped me identify my issues and get help earlier.

I found the book "The Estrogen Window" to be helpful, especially to help me understand what the research really does (and doesn't) prove regarding the risks with HRT. The book is too enthusiastic about old-school synthetic HRT, but otherwise it gave me a really good baseline understanding of HRT and menopause.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. And you can too! Just reach out via my contact page. If you want me to reach out to you and help me do my little part to help save the USPS. I bought a TON of stamps and if you sign up for my newsletter, I will send you some swag (stickers and bookmarks) from my debut novel Forever 51, which is about an eternally menopausal vampire on a quest to become mortal again.

If you preorder the Kindle version, here, and send me a screen shot of your purchase, I will send you a really cool (literally and figuratively) foldable fan that says “Immortality’s a Bitch.”

Last, but certainly not least, if you like reading these posts, please click like, comment and/or share. Let’s get the conversation started!