Welcome to “The Pause!” Every Wednesday (if I can find women of a certain age who are willing to share their experience with me and you) there will be a new post.
Why am I doing this? Well, I’m almost 50 and I would REALLY like to feel less alone in this new chapter of my life. I feel like our culture doesn’t want to talk about menopause. It’s like if you admit that your period has stopped, you are admitting to something shameful or unnatural. Like death, menopause is both inevitable (if you’re lucky enough to grow older) and pretty darn natural. I used to think it was hard to get people to talk about death, but you can double that hesitancy when it comes to chatting about “THE CHANGE!”
If you read the first post, I am now on a quest to find media representations of a menopausal woman. Here’s this week’s clip. Here’s a video with a doctor, a tv writer and a woman talking about media representations in the movies. If you know of any story lines in movies or television shows that address this major transition in a woman’s life without making it a punchline, leave it in the comments!
So, before we begin our chat, let’s define perimenopause and menopause from Merriam Webster’s online dictionary.
Definition of menopause
1: the natural cessation of menstruation that usually occurs between the ages of 45 and 55 also : the period during which such cessation occurs
— called also climacteric
— compare PERIMENOPAUSE
2: cessation of menstruation from other than natural causes
Definition of perimenopause
: the period around the onset of menopause that is often marked by various physical signs (such as hot flashes and menstrual irregularity)
So now that that’s clear, here’s my second willing participant who has chosen to remain anonymous AND THAT’S OKAY! (I feel like Stuart Smalley.) And you can too!
Photo by cottonbro
1. Do you remember your mother or an older woman in your family going through “the change of life?” If so, what was that like?
No, I was not aware.
2. Was perimenopause/menopause ever discussed with you by your mother, sister, friend, or a doctor? If so, what did that discussion entail?
The first discussions I had about menopause were with an older coworker. When I was about 43, I suddenly began having debilitating migraines. My coworker shared that she had severe migraines during the years she went through perimenopause and maybe that’s what caused mine. I soon spoke with my doctor about menopause and she confirmed this was probably the cause of the migraines. My doctor also gave me additional information about probable duration, symptoms and treatments. I was extremely hesitant about hormonal therapy. After some research, I found that hormonal therapy is not mandatory and without medication, the body will assume the natural process of having the adrenal glands produce sex hormones when these levels decline during perimenopause.
3. Was menopause something you feared or something you looked forward to? (Yay, no more periods! Boo, I’m drowning in my own sweat!)
I have never looked at growing older with fear or distain; it’s just part of the process of life. However, I happily contemplated no more periods. (Side note, do you know how expensive feminine hygiene products are?)
4. What was your experience like? Did you burst into flames? Grow a mustache? Gain a ton of weight? Lose your hair? Lose your mind? Or was it easy peasy, Tampax can kiss my vageasy?
As I mentioned, it began with migraines that sporadically occurred during the seven years I went through perimenopause. About a year into perimenopause I began systematically having symptoms: gaining excessive belly weight/bloat, moodiness, depression and towards the end, hot flashes. I never had night sweats and as methodically as the symptoms came on, in the same way, they subsided. Now I am left with resistant belly bloat, the occasional hot flash and very rarely any headaches
5. Is there anything you wish you had known before you went through menopause or anything you would have done differently?
I wish I’d had sisters or close friends I could have discussed and shared in this experience with. I do have a hypothesis I’ve begun noticing; not all menopausal women, but some, seem to go through a state of emotional isolation. Women who used to reach out and readily connect with others now seem reclusive and emotionally distant. I’m also wondering how much menopause has to do with marriage issues. The wife who was once the center of the family’s affairs is suddenly doing her own thing, more introspective than a broad-spectrum caregiver.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. And you can too! Just reach out via my contact page. If you want me to reach out to you and help me do my little part to help save the USPS. I bought a TON of stamps and if you sign up for my newsletter, I will send you some swag (stickers and bookmarks) from my debut novel Forever 51, which is about an eternally menopausal vampire on a quest to become mortal again.
If you preorder the Kindle version, here, and send me a screen shot of your purchase, I will send you a really cool (literally and figuratively) foldable fan that says “Immortality’s a Bitch.”
Last, but certainly not least, if you like reading these posts, please click like, comment and/or share. Let’s get the conversation started!